I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
