Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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