This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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