I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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