yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
