Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
