I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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