So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
