i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
