We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
