Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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