grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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