Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
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all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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