Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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