dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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