Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
