All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
