I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
