I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
