Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
