Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You are the jesus of drinking
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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