i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
