Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
