Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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