My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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