At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
