My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
