I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
