call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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