the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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