Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
