Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
