the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
