fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
