im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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