Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
