twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
