You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
