its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
