Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
