Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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