She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
