I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
