Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
