I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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