i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
