I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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