Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
