no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
