Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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