I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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