U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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