I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
