he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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