Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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