I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
