Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
