Already got asked if we're dating
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
