Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
