i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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