I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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