So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
