The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
