I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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