We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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