I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
