So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
