You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize