Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
