just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
