3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
