well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
