we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
