I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
