I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize